Second Time Baby Guilt?
It’s here… The month that we are going to meet our second sweet baby girl… but these 9 months have been filled with not only anticipation, but dare I say it? Some…guilt.
I know everyone says this, but your second pregnancy FLIES by. When we were pregnant with our first, Laila, the months seemed to drag by as if I had been pregnant for 2 years. Each moment was filled with anticipation, excitement, and a whole lot of nerves. Don’t get me wrong, we have been JUST as excited for this baby girl, but with life, jobs, and a toddler running around I don’t seem to have as many moments to think and anticipate every little new thing.
(20 weeks pregnant with Laila and we had just found out it’s a GIRL!)
I have to admit because of that, with my second pregnancy there has been some guilt. Guilt that she hasn’t received as much “attention.” I have thought to myself that maybe it’s because she is our second baby. Or, maybe it’s because she is our second girl. And the thought so many mothers worry about…will I love this second baby just as much? Will everyone else love her too? Or will she always feel “second?”
I get there is SO much excitement and anticipation that is just different with your first. Everything is new. From baby showers, gifts, and attention, it’s just different. You don’t need as much the second time around (especially when you’re having the same gender, unless you’re like us and do some awesome “planning” and have them in different seasons ) In the end, it is just going to be different, and I am learning that while it may not seem “fair,” it’s okay.
With that said, here are a few ways I have found have help curb my second time (or really any-time) baby guilt…
1. Do some shopping for the new baby. Especially if you’re having the same gender, go buy the new baby some of their own things. Hand me downs are AWESOME but the new baby is fresh life, and he/she deserves some fresh things.
2. Plan a nursery. (pictures coming soon!) We are having the girls share a room, but I strategically gave them two different coordinating color themes that go well together, yet gives them some separation and individuality.
3. Get your first child involved. We had Laila go to a store and pick out a special stuffed animal like her special Horsey she has. We will have Laila bring this to the hospital the first time she comes to see her sister.
4. Talk about the baby often. In our case, we also named her early on so her name could be established and well known by Laila. She tells strangers in the grocery store about her baby sister. (It’s adorable, and a little awkward when she starts to rub my belly and the stranger isn’t giving her the time of day. Ha!)
5. Realize it’s not about what other people do or don’t do, or what people say or don’t say. It is just different and that’s OK. They aren’t the reason you’re having another child, and they sure as heck won’t determine your love for your child.
Those are just a few of the main things I have noticed have helped my “guilt” over our second baby. I hope this helps, and even comforts some of you mommies who may also be having second time baby guilt. This life is JUST as exciting as the first. So look forward to it with ANTICIPATION, what a miracle!
Photo credit: Photo #1- Cassie Goossen Photography